Kimberley had sex for the first time on her 14th birthday with her boyfriend of three months. It has also had lasting repercussions, since she is convinced that having sex at such a young age made her far more promiscuous in later years than she otherwise might have been. David Spellman, a consultant clinical psychologist and family therapist, says that once a young person has become sexually active, they are likely to have sex with their next partner much sooner than with the last. She had put him off, saying that if they were still together on her 14th birthday, she would have sex then. But psychological damage is just as real a threat, according to Dr Mantell. She always insists on using condoms, and has a sexual health check-up after every new sexual encounter. She had, perhaps rather naively, anticipated a romantic encounter.
For months, I dreaded going to school. Becoming sexually active at the age of 14 has left her plagued by insecurities. David Spellman, a consultant clinical psychologist and family therapist, says that once a young person has become sexually active, they are likely to have sex with their next partner much sooner than with the last. I thought losing my virginity would make me feel grown up, but it just reminded me I was still a young girl. Their relationship ended, but by the time Emily was 16 she had slept with eight boys. In fact, it had the opposite effect. She was thrilled that he wanted a committed relationship with her, and has grown in confidence during their four years together. Having sex too young ruined our love lives. She always insists on using condoms, and has a sexual health check-up after every new sexual encounter. She says she and her first boyfriend Jamie — also 14 — did so simply because their friends had become sexually active. In fact, becoming sexually active at an early age can have devastating lifelong consequences, according to clinical psychologist Dr Michael Mantell. Darren, who was 16, had been nagging Kimberley to sleep with him for weeks. Advertisement Share or comment on this article: As a third of young women admit regrets about the way they lost their virginity It has also had lasting repercussions, since she is convinced that having sex at such a young age made her far more promiscuous in later years than she otherwise might have been. When a young woman has multiple partners, some studies suggest her level of oxytocin is diminished, which can have longer-lasting effects — such as leading to bonding difficulties in marriage. Kimberley had sex for the first time on her 14th birthday with her boyfriend of three months. It was a crushing discovery, and Emily struggled to understand how the boy to whom she had given something as precious as her virginity could be so cavalier about her feelings. As a vulnerable teenager whose concerns should have been centred on family life, friendship and starting her GCSEs, she instead found herself dogged by regret and rejection, humiliation and injustice. While it eventually stopped being painful Kimberley still felt too anxious and stressed to enjoy it. She would have sex with a boy on the first night of seeing him, hoping that taking such a significant step would lead to a loving relationship. She sees him only twice a year, which she regards as a perfect arrangement. To this day she has hang-ups about sex, and has not been able to forge a stable relationship. Though we used contraception I knew nothing of the importance of lubrication, and it was impossible to see how something so painful could be pleasurable. Fear of the pain made me dread sex. She had put him off, saying that if they were still together on her 14th birthday, she would have sex then. As one of her classmates shared the explicit details of her first sexual experience and another bragged about losing her virginity the previous week, Kristen felt isolated and increasingly out of step with her friends.
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