I wasn't ready, and pushed the memory back into the subconscious. He looked scared, but he held my gaze for a brief moment, and seemed to feel for me. I was a nonentity at school, and at home no one cared for me. This was the third time that my entire being became filled with an otherworldly force. A year later, when he was through with me, I was of no use to the network anymore, and was to be killed. My energetic body latched onto his in pure defiance. When my torture began, he stood watching, laughing. My Name Is Brooke Axtell and I Was Sex Trafficked at Age 7 in the US I raised myself up, and stood looking at the bizarre crowd of aristocrats dressed up as hippies, swaying to the music in various levels of sexual interaction, busily availing themselves of little pills and pre-rolled joints passed around on silver trays by sober waiters. When I was a little girl in my native Belgium , I was put to work as a sex slave.
It takes so much energy to survive not only the physical violence, but to endure the psychic drain of abuse — to carry the shame. Around my sixth birthday, in , I was taken to an orgy for the first time, in a castle. They lack the courage to heal. In , when I was 25 years old, I was walking downtown Los Angeles, near Skid Row, and got a faint, specific whiff of human feces, and was assaulted with the memory of the extreme humiliation I had suffered as a child. I smiled, and he called me a little whore. I also believe that the world is more than ever ready to confront its darkness. Fierce pride straightened my body. My energetic body latched onto his in pure defiance. When I was a little girl in my native Belgium , I was put to work as a sex slave. Though I suffer from PTSD, and, for example, I still become nauseous whenever I hear a certain kind of airy, trippy music, I've become so mindful of triggers that they don't control my everyday existence. She wondered out loud if I knew the answer to the question she had asked, and I sat in embarrassing silence while the class laughed. This was the only positive in my life, and I clung to it as my only raft to keep from drowning in a sea of shame and self-loathing. I share this experience publicly here for the first time, having finally reached a place in my healing where I have access once again to the strength that came through me in those moments of clarity in the network. While I had been tortured, the young man had been negotiating with the politician in charge of the network. The teacher had been calling on me, and I had been too spaced out to hear. I trembled in fear, but my body straightened and stilled itself like a bow in suspense before the shot, and I heard my voice as though it were not my own, chiding the adults, telling them that this was wrong — that I was going to tell on them, and that they would all go to jail. I was a shy girl, with few friends. Just surviving daily life while trying to heal from child sexual abuse requires a thousand times the strength it would require for someone without awareness to pursue a successful career. He looked scared, but he held my gaze for a brief moment, and seemed to feel for me. A burning cigarette was put out on my forearm. I was led away to a small room, and strapped onto a butcher's block. And society still values the career person over the survivor. I came across VIP's, European heads of state, and even a member of a royal family. By Anneke Lucas Dec. Not since the first time I had been brought to an orgy, four years earlier, had I expressed my true feelings.
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