So sometimes it can be really inconvenient for parents - it may mean you need to move, it may mean you need to at least move schools, but if you really think that your child is on a track, that this negative behavior, that the sex is not linked to love, that it's not linked to commitment, that she's doing it because she has low self-esteem, that she's trying to get false attention from guys, then it is proper to intervene and protect and save your child. This is a significant family problem and it deserves a loving and thoughtful response. Editorial comments will shut off communication in a hurry. You set up the boundaries. This will probably be more appropriate than risking a volatile, spur-of-the-moment confrontation. Is your relationship different now? U n Dan did it? Here are some examples of questions to ask:
You need to know where she is at all times and you can turn up anywhere unexpected. Most likely, they will have an opinion that rationalizes their choice, although that rationalization may not line up with yours. Seek outside counselling Finally, you should seriously consider getting your son or daughter and yourself into counselling. They need to know how to protect themselves or their partner from unwanted pregnancy. After you allow them an opportunity to explain their reasoning and feelings, tell them that though they may already know your opinion as a parent on this issue, you still want to share the reasons why you think teens should not participate in this type of intimacy. Most sexual attitudes develop from a peer group. What is it about [this partner] that lead you to the decision to have sex? There are negative social consequences to having sex as an adolescent. That aside, if you're hoping to change them and change their romantic path, the only influence, sadly, that you're going to have on a teenager is to change their peer group. Please share your thoughts and comments: Listen as your teen shares their perspective. Set up boundaries and rules to help them avoid temptation. Be careful that you are not asking leading questions in the direction you want to go, as this will shut the conversation down quickly. Sex without a vow of commitment distorts the reality of true intimacy. This will probably be more appropriate than risking a volatile, spur-of-the-moment confrontation. Dating and other socializing patterns that may have increased the chances for intimacy should be reassessed and restructured. Is your relationship different now? Be ready to take any action appropriate to deal with the logistical aspects of the situation — for example, to address the underlying issues behind the behaviour, to prepare for a possible pregnancy and to repair the emotional damage done. The first thing you need to remember is to think before you react. Be prepared to put in time with the counsellor yourself to deal with the causes and effects of this problem within your family. How you respond in body language, tone, and consequences will determine if the line of communication stays open or closed. If they equate those things with conversations with Mom and Dad, well, what a kill joy when you think about it. The goal is to contain the damage and coach your adolescent toward more healthy and rational decisions without driving a wedge into the parent-child relationship. They need to know how to protect themselves from STD. What are ways you keep yourself calm when having hard conversations with your kids? You and your daughter just got home from grocery shopping. You set up the boundaries.
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