I will tell you that in the research for my book, I heard lots of varied reasons for this desire from various husbands. Many of the men I interviewed got a thrill, a sense of being "king" that they had a wife who was so sexy, that other men wanted to be with, but who ultimately came home with him, the husband. Usually, Savage quotes the "eroticization of fear " hypothesis, that these men so fear their wife's infidelity that they eroticize the fear, in order to reduce the anxiety, managing it by sexuality, until they have turned the fear into a sexual fetish. Many of the men expressed that through their wife's open sexuality, the couple was actively and consciously rejecting social pressures to suppress female sexuality, assert monogamy and patriarchal power. It's a great read, and a wonderful plug for Ryan's new book, Sex at Dawn. Per Sherfey's research, women have documented as many as orgasms in a single hour. The first letter he answered was from a woman whose husband wanted to watch her have sex with another man, a request she fulfilled. Can you think of other reasons I missed? Leopold posted ads in German newspapers of the day, looking for "energetic young men" to befriend and pleasure his wife.
Many of the men I interviewed got a thrill, a sense of being "king" that they had a wife who was so sexy, that other men wanted to be with, but who ultimately came home with him, the husband. Like those who seek the Taboo, the cuckolds often seek out a strong SM flavor, where the husbands are dominated, belittled and degraded. Check out Craigslist, and you'll see Leopold's modern counterparts Leopold's interest in the experience was specifically the humiliation aspects, of being cuckolded, treated as weak, lesser, and not a real man. Leopold posted ads in German newspapers of the day, looking for "energetic young men" to befriend and pleasure his wife. To my mind, a man who is that focused on the size of other men's penises really doesn't qualify as all that straight. While the wives by and large were happy with things as they were, the husbands often felt their wife's loss of sexual satisfaction more strongly than the wife themselves, and were motivated to encourage the wife to sleep with other men. I like Ryan's responses, especially the nonpathological view, but think that this is a very complex behavior, with a lot more reasons behind it. This played out in many different dynamics. Usually, Savage quotes the "eroticization of fear " hypothesis, that these men so fear their wife's infidelity that they eroticize the fear, in order to reduce the anxiety, managing it by sexuality, until they have turned the fear into a sexual fetish. A friend, and a wife interviewed in my first book, told me that when she was working as a manager at a brothel, one of the women always called her husband on her cellphone, before bringing a man back to her room for a "party. It's not always about the money. Some of the reasons were nice, and some were not so nice. After watching their wife with another man, the husband is prompted biologically to have longer, more vigorous sex, has a shorter refractory period between erections, ejaculates harder, and his ejaculate contains more sperm. The financial part is a piece that can't be ignored, as it has been around for a long time. Wives simply do not often or unprompted go to their husbands and request they have permission to have sex with other men. Some of these men talked about treating the wife as a whore, as a piece of meat, and "taking her down a peg. I think a discussion of this phenomenon deserves consideration of all the reasons and motivations. Sometimes, bringing a man to bed with the wife was a pretext, a bait and switch if you will, for the husband to then engage sexually with the man as well. Masochism was named after him. Sometimes, the husbands were very concerned about being seen as heterosexual, but they spent an awful lot of time looking for well-endowed men for their wife. Can you think of other reasons I missed? Nearly every couple I interviewed told me that after an episode of the wife having sex with another man, the couple felt like they were "in heat. I saw many men who reported that their wives were highly sexual beings, with a greater sexual capacity, and it simply turned the husbands on and pleased them to be able to see their wives sexually satisfied, at a degree that a single husband couldn't match. So - here you go - my list of the motivations, based upon my research, behind why men would be interested in watching their wives with other men: If they are used to such a voyeuristic process in their sexuality, there is some legitimacy to suggesting they may incorporate it into their marital sexuality. Ryan and Savage's responses normalized the desire and behavior, suggesting that the husband was heterosexual, and was driven by the biological impetus of sperm competition , and voyeurism. Historically, such men have been beaten, ostracized and ridiculed, and regarded as weak, "sissy men.
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